Deep inside my heart...
Monday, August 6, 2012 • 2:22 AM • 0 comments
My deepest part of my heart was like a little room which is full of the deep darkness. I was sitting alone with a small candle that was almost dim. I just bowed my head & bent my legs, because of fear of the darkness around me. I didn't want to see anything. I closed my eyes,
falling for along sleep.......
Then suddenly, a strange shadow just appeared. I felt the warmth.
i tried to open my eyes a little, he brought me a candle.
Around me that was almost dim, now got a little enlightenment..
He sat next to me, put his candle between us. I opened my eyes a little more.
I was seeing a candle for a h o p e.
................
Next day, he brought me 3 candles. Put them between us. All around me that had been so dark now became much better. I could see around me a little clear.
He told me that i was worth it.
i smiled.
and the days after that... my days were colourful.. He didn't only gave me usual candles, but he also gave me even 10 lights lavender purple.
He put them around us. Suddenly, i saw around me turned into lavender garden. Full of beautiful lavender. I couldn't even feel the darkness & emptiness anymore. But all i seemed to see was the beautiful view & him.
We passed our days together, he taught me many things.
Laugh..
Love..
Trust..
& also promises..
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the next day, i saw 1 of our light cracked. I felt so worry.... i was looking for him around & around, unfortunately i couldn't find him.
W h e r e ?
W h e r e ?
i was waiting for......
after 2 days, he came again..
i really missed him. I begged to know where he was 2 days ago. He just kept his lip silent..
only this time, i felt the silence between us.
but he told me not to worry again..
i let him know about the cracked light, he just stroked my head gentlely & said, "No need to worry, we have 9 left."
then, he disappeared for along time........
i was looking for him.. waiting.. sitting alone.. & remembering all things we'd done.
i was almost in tears... He just came, how happy i was.. i thought he had never come back again.
i cried over & hug him tightly.
But all he did was kept quite...
W H Y ?
W H Y ?
He turned his face away from me. I longed to know, but i couldn't say anything. My lip was locked.
I felt the silence again between us.
Eventhough there was only silence between us, it felt very painful.
He turned his face away, he didn't look straight to me.
And eventhough there was only silence here, i could read what would happen. It's written on his face.
I didn't remember if i was staring at him or not.
He turned his face away, he didn't look straight to me.
And eventhough there was only silence here, i could read what would happen. It's written on his face.
I didn't remember if i was staring at him or not.
.........
please.
...............
time by time..
day by day had passed..
Withouth him .
unwittingly, i was waiting for him.
i was missing still.
i had not even remember since when he was gone.
but i was waiting..
'till i saw my lavender garden wasn't purple anymore.. since when? it became so
pathetic.. same with me.
i was afraid to walk on that garden. I was afraid because of every single step that i took would remind me of him.
i feel so empty.
1 more light had cracked & broken by a sudden.
N O.
I didn't want all about him really disappeared.
i ran.... trying to get another lights. Trying to save them.
but when i was almost there, i almost reached it, it's broken.
Was it real? I actually parted from him. Would it be nothing between us?
All we had was just for awhile. Yes, but i really meant it.
While crying, i ran to 1 light left to save it. Because i didn't really want lose everything about him.
It should be broken again, but i didn't care.
I reached it. I held it in my hand, & suddenly it's broken. Hurt my hand, made a wound, i was bleeding. But i didn't care, i just held it tight. The blood mixed with tears in my hand..
when i looked around, the garden had disappeared. My lavender was dead. It became darkness again.
what left were only the pieces from that light. A little light for me that shining in the dark.
I closed my eyes again. . .
Feeling the emptiness again, but the deeper sleep took me away.
I didn't know if i could open my eyes again someday.....
Written by : © Lychti
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